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| Hours |
Like most folk this recent piece of the past has been unsettling for me. Outside the Covid sphere of influence my life has changed dramatically. From happily banging nails and carpenting houses to being injured, unemployed and living with my parents for a spell; at 36 there's a whole level of humility and relationship dynamics I wasn't ready for. Still not mind you. My shame around being back at my folks place, unfounded as it may be was immense and kept me from being one hundred with those around me. I belong to one of the few cultures where living with your parents is frowned upon after your early twenties and my fragile ego could barley withstand the blow.
Not hitting the breaks, yet cautiously gearing down approaching the off ramp, or on ramp depending on which the side of the coin you're looking at, to 40 I've found myself lost. Lost again. That is assuming I began found or at least in the appropriate lane on my way to where I'm supposed to be. I do have great faith in the universe for providing the correct landing spot for all of us should we choose to heed the signs and not fight what is being presented to us. It just seems my lane to get there is a bit broader with a far more welcoming shoulder to skid through than I envision when I use the term "lane".
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| 1988 Harley Sportser 1200 |
For the past few months I've been spinning my wheels in the quagmire of self doubt. Once again I've found myself asking " Who am I? WHAT AM I!?!" The advice I've so easily dispatched to those who seek my council of "Sit with it, let it come to you", "Look at it from a different Perspective, what are you not seeing?" is a gap on my peg board, the missing tool outlined in sharpie. I must be driving my partner up the wall with ideas of self reinvention, rapidly changing ideas, throwing every thought against the wall haphazardly without taking the time to see what sticks and formulating a plan.
Within all this manic insecurity I've managed to read some great books, get out camping a couple times, bear spray myself at close range, catch up with pals I haven't seen since the beginning of Covid, ridden some motorcycles, started the rebuild of an old Harley that has some deep roots (more on that later), gotten in lots of swims, watched The Sopranos on the couch with my Boo, the windows open the warm summer evening heat breezing through and eating veggies out of our garden. If I didn't know any better from a different perspective that sounds like a pretty damn good life, and I'm happy to have it. Which ever direction it chooses to take me.
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| Harley Sporster Cylinders and Heads |
